I felt that I am a normal human being - female having bittersweet life. I did not realized that I am becoming a mommy, or rather the truest meaning of becoming a mommy. After 5 months pregnant. It just dawned on me last night, sinking into my conscience slowly yet very deeply. Suddenly I felt that I cannot play in the drain anymore, I can't jump around in a concert and I can't just pack my bag, jump on a train/bus and off to La-la-Land. I can, but rather not to, because I have a child that I care.
How it happened? My baby's kicking is becoming stronger up to a point it woken me up late at night. I have to sing the lullaby I invented for him - or rather hum (due to heavy drowsiness). 3 months ago I laughed at the thought of singing to my baby. I have a rather croaky voice and I consider myself tone-deaf. Karaoke is something I do when coerced which I will choose songs that are easy to sing and very popular so others will ended up singing along. Hah! Now I have invented a song specially for my baby! I am astounded, fascinated and cartwheel-surprised of myself!
From Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, Children are from Heaven, I learnt that each children have different ways to learn, participate and feel loved. Each time I read the book I will try to memorize the perceived-important details so that I can plan the trip to the park, what's for dinner and what-not. I am becoming more concern of my child's response to the world and I am kept on remembering I am bringing him into an unknown medium out of his own will. The feeling is very different from owning a cat, the responsibility is tremendously too scary to think. And I am afraid, really afraid.
Yet, I bought his clothes the other day. An overall with little socks, small pants that can't even fit my foot (don't ask why I even try to put it on me). I can't wait to see him, nibble his fingers or small toes or what-else I would like to do. The feeling is great. Too great. To friends who have babies, I envy to my deepest soul and I enjoy seeing the pictures up to a point I would like to kidnap your babies :D
