Monday, July 26, 2010

Being a punchbag

When some are accustomed to us, they get to be cruel. I did it too without noticing. But I have noticed more of myself recently, tries hard to avoid it at all cause. Stopped myself before it's too late. I have no freedom to let it out seeing it will be critisized by stereotyped people knowing too less yet to much to express.

Being a punchbag is the best in the world. You get to be given the expressive feelings when one is frustrated over too much paperwork on her desk, or too much form to be filled but the seats have not been leveled up one ground higher. I could be ambushed before the sun woken up over wasting of energy when what I used was the most necessary to get my sleep comfortable. Whereas, she could let the power eater with its lighted rodent for days till it should be sent to asylum for service. You could also be praised for using too much liquid when the tap was left to dry itself since it was last used.

You could also being humiliated in front of your friends for something you feel you have taken a stand on and of something you know you should wait before progressing. More of being humiliated for wanting to be oneself. I should know what I want and I asked Him to remind me of it each time and to not let me go. Being there and done that, shouldn't she has the believe that human would always want to change for the better?

3am totally wrong, 12 am is still wrong, 9 pm is worth a shit. I am so used to it that I do not feel anything. When one is trying hard to please it gets numb for each appreciation which in the end what goes in a circle or what goes to the corner is not registered for it is meaningless. Like a dumb man listening to jazz. I wouldn't want to expect any care or pampering, enough with the understanding of what I need. I can't eat chicken, squid, prawns, beans and few other things as it caused me alot of pain for the time being. But let me out to scratch the grounds for my own worms to find. Every stomach needs to be filled.

I cant get the whole world to know of his nature of works when I have trouble adapting to his time myself. Be it noon or midnight, if it is the best time to be out I can't demand much. Why is it then you demand so much of my time which is in linear with his. It's good to know and comprehend of people's time is not your time. Being suppressed by two forces and having an ugly doll could send me back into my blankets and locking my door.

It's good to be a punchbag...I won't be the one punching, but I'll be the one to look at you like looking at a wall. 
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