Inception

This is truly a mind-boggling movie...

The King of Fighters; characteristic

The King of Fighters? Ewww, sucks to the max! I am now writing a considerable awful entry at 2.10 in the morning. All of sudden I have this unsettled unsatisfactory towards this particular movie. I thought first to have a destressful time by having a movie. What made the event a mess was the fight I had with Mr. Fiance. The whole thing was made even worse by watching a bad movie. It's like having a bad tasted jelly combined with bad tasted chilli sauce. Yucks. To make my statement even stronger, the audience didn't even wait for the movie to fully finished! I am among the first to walk off the cinema hall, but there was even earlier walkoffs.

You what makes a good movie? Not just particularly with movies...just any fiction (or non-fiction being fictionize - if there is a word). It is about the characters. Yess it iss! The movie mentioned-above has no strong molding and building of individual characteristics. I feel like I'm watching a tangled up colourful strings, I felt so hard to identify which is which. Maybe the strongest characteristic is the villain (din't-even-bother-to-remember-the-name), but hey, villain are easy to create as long as they are crazy to take over the world (be our world or the aliens') others have hazy to greyish characteristics (is it so bad? Yep it is!). One moment the police guy is not supporting, another minute he started enjoying the fight (involved in it too)...and where the heck do these people have martial arts skills all sudden...WITHOUT TRAINING.

When you have a strong characteristic of a character, you get to understand their behaviours, you get the chance to enjoy them! Sometimes you get to see a fragment of yourself in these characters. You will get to have personal attachments to the character him/herself. That's when you get to love the people in the story and thus enjoying the show.

The director and the story creator of The King of Fighters are having their heads in the toilet bowl, wasting such valuable money to create a-just-for-show movie...don't even get me started with the graphics and the camera angle!!!

A bullying lecturer

Selama saya hidup bersekolah dan menjadi cikgu kat sekolah dan kolej (in universiti jugak) tak pernah la saya jumpa dengan cikgu yang berperangai mengeji student, buat student adek angkat then buli diorang kalau tak dijemput untuk event kolej. Kalau dia tu lecturer kat kolej tak ape la jugak. Ni dah keluar da. You are out of the system already. Ni dah boleh dikira mental and emotion harassment, En. Faizal bin (ntah lah xtau nama bapak dia apa) tolong jgn harass student Cosmopoint lagi. Situasi anda boleh didakwa

10:31pmPykaa

hai mis can i have ur opinion

10:32pmMe

ok...you hv my ears

10:32pmPykaa

am i wrong if i forgot 2 invite somebody 4 bubur lambok

k this is wat i kene

Mohd

salam

woitt
21:56Me

salam..yes sir.. de pape yg bleyh dbantu..
21:56Mohd

apasal xajak saya bubur lambuk
21:59Me

sori la sir...byk bende nk pk nk2 byk projek yg menimbun 2 pun saya minta mis tlg sama2 handlekan yg jemput2 un smua nye pas2 kat org tp kan dah naik kat wall mpp..sori sir..
22:00Mohd

memang xkenang budi

xingat langsung saya yang bgnkan mpp

ko boleh buat tak tau

xpelah

aku xnak dengar apa2 lagi thankx

ini balasanya

10:33pmMe

not really.cz u were bz kn?

10:33pmPykaa

yes..pastu call me bodo..

10:34pmMe

this is sir faizal?

10:34pmPykaa is offline.

10:34pmPykaa is online.

10:34pmPykaa

his at his new school nw

yes

yes

this is sir faizal

10:34pmMe

u din invite me jugak...okay je

10:35pmPykaa

do i hv 2 jemput every single lectrr that out from this kolej

hergh...

sori mis

10:35pmMe

nope...r u very close with him?

(i dun mind x jemput...n u xpyh jemput...u nk u pergi tu je what I meant)

apelah u ni...nk jmput everybody...its just crazy

10:36pmPykaa

oh..

mane ade close...

thats y..

he aspect me to me 2 remembr him org pun ade keje nk wat

nasib baik mis faezah tlg saya

10:38pmMe

hmn...he's just psycho...u tau kan I ngn miss faezah pernahsound dia kat mmp wall?

10:38pmPykaa

ade ke mis

10:38pmMe

but i rasa mcm x elok pulak, so i suruh musa delete

10:38pmPykaa

x thu citer

10:38pmMe

haah, it was there for about half a day, about graduation night

dia pernah ajar u?

10:40pmPykaa

penah sem 1

thats y i dnt say aku ko2 at him bcos his my sir

mm

10:40pmMe

hmn...xbetul lah dia tu, Riena pn kena

he's the one yg pelik la Pika

10:41pmPykaa

yes rina n atira oso kene

10:41pmMe

are troubledby his remarks?

10:42pmMe

mcm susah hati dgn kata2 dia

10:43pmMe

kata2 dia mmg menyengat...esp dia ckp u bodo

10:43pmPykaa

yayaya..

sakit ati

mm die ingt die the best

aduh...

10:44pmMe

I rs if a teacher ckp student bodo, he shudnt be respected

10:45pmPykaa

tq mis...

n the best part is he already buang me from his fb

n like it he think im about itgonnan cry

mm

10:46pmMe

Owh...I dah barr dia from my FB...he is like a lalat to me.

10:46pmPykaa

all the lecturer yg saya da jumpa ni satu lecturer yg mmg ln dr yg ln

hahaha

nice one lalat

10:46pmMe

Accomplishment baru sejemput nak buli org...so I x suka. N dia attack student lak tu

abusing his position as an ex lecturer

x patut n irresposible

Pika, can I tell this to others? I think they need to know so other lecturer can tell him dia dipantau untuk tidak buli student

10:50pmPykaa

hmm how to tell mis..

i dunno

put at wall

mm

n about buli

mmg ramai yg kene

kebanyakn girl

die suka wat adik angkat pastu mesti berkepit wimith h

10:51pmMe

I put up in my blog n tag other lecturer...cz this is already a type of harrassment (mental)

10:52pmPykaa

ok set

i on only

my friend oso ask to tell all mpp's

Bagi lecturer Cosmopoint yang tahu, siapa lagi nak backup student kita? Tak kan hal kecil ni nak buat student rasa serba salah. Yang membuli ni pulak macam nak lepaskan masalah dan stress dia kat orang lain. Jadikan org lain punchbag. Rasanya sesiapa masih in contact with En. Faizal (sbb saya da barr dia) tag lah utk memberitahu kita memantau. Kalau sekali boleh la nak tutup sebelah mata, ni dah banyak kali, jangan sampai naik kepala.

This is a Photograph of Me

I have thought that I lost a sister today. I thought I have lost her because of my fault. But indeed, I looked back, I have not hurt her as badly as she has. I have been hanging onto the fact that she is a sister that I kept on blaming myself for things I am not sure I have done.

In actuality...I have not lost her, she lost me. I had enough of her treatment. In actuality I am very happy. Looking back at my pictures, I have grown confident with myself. This is a Photograph of Me.

The title I adapted from Margaret Atwood of a woman's 'disappearance'.

This is a Photograph of Me
It was taken some time ago
At first it seems to be
a smeared
print: blurred lines and grey flecks
blended with the paper;

then, as you scan
it, you can see something in the left-hand corner
a thing that is like a branch: part of a tree
(balsam or spruce) emerging
and, to the right, halfway up
what ought to be a gentle
slope, a small frame house.

In the background there is a lake,
and beyond that, some low hills.

(The photograph was taken
the day after I drowned.

I am in the lake, in the center
of the picture, just under the surface.

It is difficult to say where
precisely, or to say
how large or how small I am:
the effect of water
on light is a distortion.

but if you look long enough
eventually
you will see me.)

Margaret Atwood

I would consider that she is being drowned by her surrounding engulfing her presence from the society. I would not let anyone make me feel that way. She is a nobody now that she treated me unconditionally heartless. I will be strong, I will be relying my life to God, I believe in Karma. I will avoid from hurting others whom I love. I have a good friend for a very good advice who would condemn me if I do wrong and who would approve of me when I do right, but I know deep in her heart she is purely wanting me happy. "Be a Tree, Big Tree, Tall Tree"...I want to add..."bear Fruits of Happiness"

Being a punchbag

When some are accustomed to us, they get to be cruel. I did it too without noticing. But I have noticed more of myself recently, tries hard to avoid it at all cause. Stopped myself before it's too late. I have no freedom to let it out seeing it will be critisized by stereotyped people knowing too less yet to much to express.

Being a punchbag is the best in the world. You get to be given the expressive feelings when one is frustrated over too much paperwork on her desk, or too much form to be filled but the seats have not been leveled up one ground higher. I could be ambushed before the sun woken up over wasting of energy when what I used was the most necessary to get my sleep comfortable. Whereas, she could let the power eater with its lighted rodent for days till it should be sent to asylum for service. You could also be praised for using too much liquid when the tap was left to dry itself since it was last used.

You could also being humiliated in front of your friends for something you feel you have taken a stand on and of something you know you should wait before progressing. More of being humiliated for wanting to be oneself. I should know what I want and I asked Him to remind me of it each time and to not let me go. Being there and done that, shouldn't she has the believe that human would always want to change for the better?

3am totally wrong, 12 am is still wrong, 9 pm is worth a shit. I am so used to it that I do not feel anything. When one is trying hard to please it gets numb for each appreciation which in the end what goes in a circle or what goes to the corner is not registered for it is meaningless. Like a dumb man listening to jazz. I wouldn't want to expect any care or pampering, enough with the understanding of what I need. I can't eat chicken, squid, prawns, beans and few other things as it caused me alot of pain for the time being. But let me out to scratch the grounds for my own worms to find. Every stomach needs to be filled.

I cant get the whole world to know of his nature of works when I have trouble adapting to his time myself. Be it noon or midnight, if it is the best time to be out I can't demand much. Why is it then you demand so much of my time which is in linear with his. It's good to know and comprehend of people's time is not your time. Being suppressed by two forces and having an ugly doll could send me back into my blankets and locking my door.

It's good to be a punchbag...I won't be the one punching, but I'll be the one to look at you like looking at a wall. 

And I'm on my way to believe in you

Lyrics | Paramore lyrics - The Only Exception lyrics

Dearest En. Salehudin Ahmad,

No words to describe more...
My past, present and future...
Whole dedication to you

Red Roses

After 4 years, at last I got red roses from En. Salehudin. Yay!!! He is not the type to show appreciation through flowers and cards, but he shows them by food. Yeah I know...the main cause I gain weight. I now know where to get the best cendol, nasi ayam, asam pedas, roti naan tandoori (the list goes on) in Melaka.
So he gave them to me in the car.

me: wah! I dapat flowers! Thank you 2x!!!
him: daling asik ckp abang tak bagi flowers and your student pulak yang bagi
me: ehe, thank you! tapikan abang...nape 5 kuntum? Bukan biasa 3 je?
him: eh? 3 je? Abang beli satu set 5 kuntum
me: owh, patut togel je,  tak de bungkus
him: dia bungkus ngan surat kabar, tak boleh 5 ke?
me: boleh...tapi 3 tu bukan "I love you" ke?
him: hah? macam tu ke?
me: tak ape lah, dia bole jadi "I love you very much"
him: boleh tukar macam tu tak ape lah
me: ...

If I kata no such thing, merajuk pulak mamat ni...LOL

Nasi lemak sambal bilis

Last sunday I went home in Jasin. Splurging into mountains of durians, mangosteens and rambutans. I was first entertained by Nenek, I peeled her orange, she picked durians for me. I chose the small ones as nenek could not eat any more than she had that day. I met the kids, so we went out for ice cream next. Where is Saleh? He hanged out with his friends at the nearby wedding. I came to his house alone, as usual the way I like it to be.

I thought I had enough of things to eat for the day. I went to Cik Jah's house with the ice cream and the kids. I ended up with a plastic full of mangosteens picked behind the house. I played around abit and chatted a mile until Saleh called to tell he is back at home. With the plastic full I went back to Saleh's house.

Soon-to-be mak was eating and Saleh was sleeping. I saw a nasi lemak bungkus soon-to-be mak made every morning to sell for 80 cents. I was overjoyed to get the chance to eat it. But because it was so late, the nasi lemak went bad. Nevertheless, she didn't fail to pack ayam masak merah to bring home...along with 7 durians...the second time they have given me for this season.

Today, I am sure soon-to-be mak remembered that I love her nasi lemak. She sent nasi lemak to me and asked Saleh to deliver it to my office. I am in bliss. Wahahaha

Getting the kids started...

My students pull faces...a painful one and shake their heads in denial when I told them they have to wear cardboard over their front and back. We are doing environmental awareness among public. We want to tell the issues that has been going on about the earth. Of course, we want to make some changes, mental changes.

That is my propaganda, teeheeheehee. I am hoping to get people to change. If I could create awareness among my students and they succeed in changing others along the process. It could be a big achievement as an individual could make for the earth. The main pupose is also to get my students open up their mind and get out of the coconut shell to be out in the open. Meet people and get them to answer questionnaires. Get to talk to strangers and learn how to adapt into new situations. In a nutshell, be a useful human being.

The skills that I teach in this projects are writing and speaking. Yet, underneath the lines, I want them to get new information, get more general knowledge and learn of issue that one day could help them in creating and following conversations with people. I want my students to be informative and intelligent not only in appearance, as well as mind.

This project needs alot of support. I hope all of the people in Melaka could join us on 17th July 2010, Dataran Pahlawan/ Mahkota Parade/ Menara Tamingsari 10 am. All you need to do is answer our questionnaire earnestly. Owh...it'll be very easy to recognize us...you just need to find people wearing cardboard posters on our front and back promoting earth conservation.

Getting out of the water

I was shocked yesterday that my period has started all over again. Like what you are having on the first day. Fresh blood and period pain. I never have period pain all my life (that is worth to be mentioned). Wednesday last week I had my MC for the first time ever for having the same pain. I followed what the doc adviced me, not eat this that. But he also asked how was my emotion - not so well I guess, and it has not been imporoved...

But yesterday I had an argument with Saleh. The normal things a couple do anyway. I got my gastric attack during the argument so I decided to go back home. On the way home I started to feel pain in my abdomen, like a period pain does. I checked at home to found out that I started bleeding again with  fresh blood, bright red. I am so scared and I have realized, this whole stress and tension has taken a toll on me.

It just got me wondering, why do I let myself engulfed with this situation. I can control my decisions and I can also control my situations. Why do I let other people to decides for me. Saleh can't attend me that much because of his working demands. I understand, but why does he needs to control where I go, whom I go with and when do I get back. If I want to go aerobic, I'll go and if I want to eat roti canai sardine afterwards is none of your business. I do not want to stay cooped up in my room being an anti-social and having to wait for him endlessly for a bit of his time which comes once in a full moon (it's not that we never get to go out together...but it has never been a proper date)

I am okay with going for the movies alone, eating and shopping alone now. The whole things are drastic. But Zaza is correct, I just need to adapt and survive in a situations like this. "You don't choose to drown yourself, but you are already in the water. You need to get out. If you let it be until you have to pay with your health, this is a waste"

This is a declaration of independence. I will decide what I want to do and I'll do it once i've considered it's relevant for myself

Relationship is...

Relationship? To me it is now something totally new to me. Something snapped I guess. I was enlightened to a new perspective. Thanks to reality and exposure of the truth which people always try hard to hide. Abuse, infidelity, naiveity, blind adoration, bad matching...countless more. Things that we don't talk much although it need to be talked out and things that normal people put a blind eye and stuff an ear.

So now I see relationship is like the burning of logs in the chimney. It gives you intense heat at the beginning, but it will start to burn off and fade away. You just need to put more logs in to be able to stay intense. Simply said, you need to crack the bark and cut the logs then to burn it. It is not a walk in a park for sure. This is more of the examplars from marriages around me, some are really sweet, others are cruel. I am to wait for my destiny to unveiled.

I don't need to spell it out to you, but I am scared of the upcoming reality that I have to face.

This bittersweet relationship

I gave her work when she needs one, Saleh fixed her motor when she have no transport to go to work, I gave her money when she needs it and came over her house once in while to check up on her when I was near. While she did the opposite of these.

Blaming me for not caring for my family...when she is never being home for more than a week in the last 5 years. Just being in a while then head back to the secluded hole. Claiming understanding parents more than I have. I can say I held mak's secret more than she knows...which in the end she knew from me. I have weaknesses...I am not perfect. I learnt from others that quarrel between mother and child is normal. They have their own misunderstanding, but why is it that all of sudden you came in gushing out 5 years worth of stories blaming I do not care for family. Where was she all this while? Mak even claimed that it is hard to get hold onto her for the past years. All sudden she decided to stay in Melaka saying I don't care of the family and that if I get married my own family may not last. That is below the belt. 

I am not closed with Abah...so I don't go pouring my heart out to him. I do it in diplomatic formal way. Is it wrong? Why claimed that I hate him? You claimed that while taking his money monthly for years and not forgetting mak's money too and spent it on boyfriend? Is that loyalty? At least I refused to take Abah's money because I know money is scarce on him and he values it more than I do. I even suggested him to give my part that I did not take to my sister! And she is still getting allowances...still can't stand up on her own and claimed that I burden my parents.

I am not perfect and I still sometimes argue with mak...but I still want to stay by her side and get really sad when I dissappoint her. I did wrong things but I want to change. I believe that anything that fall on me is fated by God to remind me not to stray too far away.

Let's talk about trees

I have this peaceful feeling when I am in a forest. It calms me. I dont know the trees and they dont have faces, but they are there, just being there. Its just like those serenity feeling you get when you are numb. Emily Dickinson's after great pain a formal feeling comes gets me to feel that I am in a beautiful rainforest. You are unknown and not knowing others.

About this trees, sometimes they show their faces and that time I could get to see them. Usually they are blurry, yet sometimes they look damn familiar. Its just that I dont feel bothered even if they are. Its scary to be alone, but now that I am not, I feel scared for those who are. They see those trees too I guess, eventually. There is no end to it. The bushes just clump up everything else making it painful to get pass.

I cant do anything I guess. I have the desire to put it all out of my system, but its not my case anymore like last time. I cant get involved even if the trees are being poisoned right in front of me. I am not being held up or anything, its just that I might get the flow of the usual breeze to stop working. Then I cant unwind it back. I would just disrupt the flow. Weaknesses they call it...but I want to see how those trees spit the poison out. I just want to see how the wheel roll to the other side of the forest. I want to see the greatness of it.

Part of me feel the glee, I admit that. Part of me feel the weariness of desperate traveller. Life as it is...is like seeing it in a glass ball. Trapped. I wonder if I am in another glass ball.