When I was in Serting

Wel, to tell the truth, it is another wedding. This time it's Saleh's cousin's wedding. It was glorious since he is the only boy in the family and a first born at it. I was a bit shy to begin with, to go all the way to Saleh's relative's house and stay there for 3 days. Weddings as you know will be filled with aunties and uncles and granmas and granpas, so basically people will ask, who are you? Thank God that each time, Saleh's eldest aunt will save me by explaining it herself. I feel downright grateful and proud myself that my social standing isn't some-what low and degrading to be introduced to others. Well, it is more of grateful .Thx mak and abah :D

I feel like I am doted at his family's house. Every few minutes some 'makcik' will ask, where is Oya? Has she eaten? To tell the truth, I am always delightful when it comes to meals and delicacies. Whatever they cook and do I would want to ask how do you do that. I did not do this at home basically no one cooks that much apart from The Maid, which is almost an eyesore to me nowadays. Or when mak cooks, she likes to do it alone and it is almost not systematic. I feel like interfering if I tried to help, instead I did the chores of going to get curry leaves, coconut milk or coriander leaves. In Serting, Mak Long asked me to cook cekodok for Saleh, hmn, it is embarrassing cuz I have to do it for my future hubby, and people around are looking my actions. It doesn't matter because what mettered that time, my cekodok should turn right!. Well it did turn right, I got a compliment from Mak Long (peace! :D). I felt that it is almost like a test! Maybe it is, but I feel good about it.

One thing I felt not right is about MakSu. I feel that she is not comfortable with her family-in-laws. I asked Saleh about it, I turned to be correct about my feelings, she did have a history. It started about the way she cooks some squid during family gathering. She was just married into the family and she cooks the squid piece by piece. You know about gatherings, they need food fast couse they get hungry fast. So I guess one of the aunties criticize her about it (either in a funny way or serious way). She got sensitive about it and it was never the same since. I think if it happens to me, I would not be hurt by it. Not that the aunties never criticise me before, they did, but i think they are sincere with it and I consider it as a lesson to learn to cook or anything. I'll turn it into a joke and make people laugh instead. I wonder if I face greater challenge?

Aprt from being doted by them, I became the sis to rely on by the cousins. If they need advice, they come to me. I don't tend to scare them with critism or scoldings...I guess that's the teacher instinct i me, instead I listened and did what my counselors did to me. It is NOTHING much, honest. But it gave them powerful impact I guess. The downside, the litle ones always asks me to bring them 'jalan-jalan'. This is the effect of being too nice.

In conclusion, I have decided, I will protect my relationship with Saleh at all cost, not just because I love him (that was the reason before) but now I love him more and I love his family too. I don;t get this very much because of the divorce and remarrying thingy. So the feeling is not the same. Somethings almost like get-ups during the festival. Oh, so what, I have something good upcoming when I get into Saleh's family :D

Wedding and family

It was superb...in a way how all of their friends from way back came over to be the helpers (kendarat). It's nice to be in that atmosphere. The bride and the groom both are jovial couple. Even those who karaoke sounded nice (unlike some when the singer did the song awfully...which in the end makes you feel like getting up and go home).

I had just came home from my yet-to-be-in-laws house. I like they lot...like them so much that I feel anxious to be officially part of the family. They might have their own dispute and conflicts, but it seem they are being almost always try to be together. They talk of something casual, none that is criticizing anybody, whether it its neighbor nor relatives. I like it so much that up to a point I rather spend my time with them instead of mine. Bad me...ehe, but you just can't help it. After these years, I have not heard of anything bad being pointed to me. If there is (which until now there hasnt) i am sure it has good reason.

I ate goreng pisang which MakSu prepared. I did the Milo. Then PakNdak and MakNdak arrived. MakNgah and Cik Jah came over to atok's house (they live nearby). PakItam teases MakNgah ALOT, I almost doubled up. Went secretly out with the little boys and ate ice cream. Taught them to throw rubbish in the bin (I am proud...teeheehee). All this while Saleh is not around (I don't mind cz I am comfortable enough to be with the yet-to-be-in-laws). They asked to stay for the night, but I need to send Saleh's sis back to her school nearby my house. Wish I could stay longer.

I hope my family could attend my Fiance as how his family attend me. So far...not yet. Abah has criticize him...for no reason particularly. Poor him, sometimes he needs to endure along in the family conflicts. Hope he could be patient until our time together.

Ninja Assassin

Ninja Assissin? Whoa, definitely a recommended movie to watch people! You get amputated legs and arms in here. Lots of blood and severed head. Meager cuts and breaks are common. It is 18SG btw. How do I survived the movie? Well you can't stop watching despite the horror, yeah there are few 'oh no's and f*** or sh**...this I seldom use but can't help using them when the blades are coming in to you very near and the hero being cut horizontal right end to the other end in the stomach with a long chained knife. This time, my fiance did not sleep! (He slept in 2012...I think it's a boring movie too). This movie's sound and visual effect is used almost perfectly, no exaggeration on the movements that much. Almost used at the perfect time at the perfect place. It get the audience caught up and even could feel the pain when the blade slashed through the flesh...(there was a scene where flesh are everywhere, mangled and scattered)

Anyway, let's see the trailer, then you might know the gist of the story. Then maybe I tell about what I disagree with this movie. Here on!

Yet, this movie lacks story line of a story. You know what I mean? With 1hour and30 minutes, there is not much to tell. I know, but it gave me the feeling of unsatisfied. I kept asking, why is it this or that, how come this or that. The end just makes us wonder what happened to the rest of other ninjas that are not killed. The hero is most mysterious, no history before coming into the clan, and also no story during the time he was hunted. We could only know of him when he protects the Mika lady. There's a lot of loop hole here and there.

Nevertheless, it's still an awesome story. If you love Full House...you gonna love this. Yeah its him (Rain), never tot he could act in a brutal movie. Trust me it is brutal and gory.
Happy watching!

The Reasons

I have been delaying my time and energy to actually put this piece of thought in my blog...actually I have this feeling of disheartened of continuing my writing. All that is happening in life is happening too fast that sometimes it grips you in the heart and it it grasp you tight. It is hurting alot especially when it concern of others...those that you love most

I cant give myself the right definition of a family yet...I want it as a yet, because I still believe that one day I could give 'family' a very good definition. Comprehensible to my kids and others that are oround me. Lets just cut it short as I dont want to have to shed the tears again and have that fear all over me. It took 2 weeks to get me calmed down.

I need to see Abah by the end of this month. To discuss of our engagement in upcoming raya. it scares me to hell. saleh is very ready and prepared physically and emotionally. i am not. What ever haunts me I could not explain and I could not find it myself. I cant comprehend the situation that I am in. It scares me up to a point of getting into my dreams. Sometimes I feel that it is rubbish.

When I had a talk with my youngest sis. I have discovered her true feelings over this family. It is painful. Adek, if you read this...it is my way of expressing my thoughts and it is not about publishing something that is should to be ashamed of. It is a lesson to be learned by all over the world that family is important and dont risk it over a power name money! So that now I learned of her feelings that I know...she faced different kind of depression compared to mine. It still gave my heart a big thud on the floor. This happens again and again

I can call that this whole family business has paid a toll on all of us. It causes someone one to unfinished her degree. It may be called as a mistake, but it affects our future. I hate it to a point of bringing myself to a foreign country and stay there. No one to ask of my origin.

I need to get rid of this hatred...All of us need to do it. I hope time could really heal.

I am crazy over....SuperPoke Pets!!!

Hey! How come you have not visited me for sooo long?? *sulking*

Come on dear...not that I have forgotten about you...you are always in my mind...(at the back of my mind actually)

Are you having another boyfriend to keep you company? *sarcastic

Well, you want the truth or you want me to lie? I am an honest girl, I'll tell you anyway....YES I have been cheating on you since the last two weeks at SuperPoke Pets! I am crazy about him and I don't care if you hate me for that.

That is the conversation I would have if my blog can speak and think by itself...I know, I feel guilty too for not posting anything for TWO d**n weeks. I should be ashamed of myself..."I want to start writing again" la konon...hmn hmn...but I get addicted by SPP (I get too accustomed to it that it now has its on abbreviation!). Okay...you must be going "excuse me...what the heck are you talking about??? *with impatience in your voice (no wonder...i have been yip yapping for so long!). I don't want to explain...you have to experience it yourself! But I'll show you the picture of what I have decorated in my SuperPoke Pets habitat.

I know now I am broke...with no work (that pays), just by adopting a pet you can actually collect so many beautifulll coins and buy beautifulll things for your pet (if you read carefully...yup you got it right, I am already confused of the reality and the pet habitat) - I am so depraved of money! Duit main-main pun bole la...thank God I don't go kookoo over monopoly, in this situation I am in...I would be a psychopath who thinks myself as a millionaire...buying buildings siot.

But this isnt the real reason I play...I just feel that I have the creativity to decorate...I feel happy about it. (When I read back...I do sound a bit crazy already)

Slumdog Millionaire

What is it about the movie Slumdog Millionaire that catches people's heart? It received 81 international awards for so many reasons. I haven't watch it, my mum has already watched it. One thing interest me most...the opportunist that uses kids without parents (most parents are slaughtered alive) for a syndicate...beggar business.

I'm sure you have heard before of children being amputated in knees and arms, or being blinded using concentrated acids to be an 'effective' beggar. This story is about it...
One of the heart wrenching dialogue: "It's okay Jamal, that I can't see...but they give me food to eat".
I don't have the guts to watch it yet. It changes my mom's intention of going to India to visit my sis, Sara. It must have put an impact on her...for basic needs, they are willing to let go one of their body parts...I lamented for those who has such fate.

This is my Travian village

What I have here is actually after 7 days of real hard work...not that I really plow the farm and strainig my back building houses...(that is real life, not game...you are confused there). Actually it is more than 7 days resources...I sort of cheated (but a legal one), where I build another village in the same area *you can choose which area eg: north-east, north west, south-east, south-west* and then I transfer the resources to my REAL village...genius huh?

Well it is the reason I can't get to sleep (worried that my village is attacked), but it is also the reason I could really get on my work. While waiting for the resources become enough to build a certain building, I get to do my homework. After an hour of doing work, i'll chill out by checking my village's progress...

I am started to think...when will I actually grow up. (Why I ask this to myself...I still have magnetic effect towards manga...some read only 1...I read 4! Hmm hmm)

Lets Compare!

I am already planning for the 'costume' that I should wear for my engagement. Hadoi, it is a bit tedious. I am sure everybody would want the perfect clothes to wear that day. I have been thinking to either borrow (sewa...we dont use 'let' for clothes rite? That is just for houses rite?...*no idea) or buy the clothes. Definitely buying would cost more than borrowing, and I have checked...if I am to borrow (RM150) I would only be able to wear it once. But if I buy (RM250), I could wear it until it doesn't look like a kebaya anymore (ada org buat kah mcm tu?). So I think...I will buy it and spend the most of RM300, including 'tempahan'.

This is my favourite choice...It is creamy in color and has marvelous details. I took this from SureChantique.com where you can find gorgeous kebaya and kurung which can make you out of your mind!. So this clothes cost RM220 (belum jahit)...a bit pricey.

Now this is my other choice, I think the design of the collar is so enchanting. It is just like the design of princesses in the fairy tales (the one cinderella wears). So it got my interest as well. It is cheaper I think...RM180 (belum jahit).

Now this one is still pretty...I just love the elaboration of the floral design. I am hoping to find Elaborations that have 2 or three colours of the same base...still elegant but not so messy. This one I think is RM160 or something. I still feel that it is a bit boring. Because the extraordinary of the clothes can't be seen through the camera.

Okay, I think this is very beautiful because you can actually see the elaboration because of its 2 colours. The design is simple, there is no labuci (I can put it there anyway) and if I just change the 'selendang into white and the 'kain' into silky white...it could be a perfect one...I am prone to this choice although it doesnt have very specific detail as num 1. This one is around RM160.

Hm...this one uses benang sulam sort of thing where the elaboration uses thread, not sew into the fabric and making hole later, it is *pasted it there (not with glue mind you). It is RM190 (belum jahit)...but still so pretty laa, the fabric is the shining type, I can just find 'kain' that has soft type fabric which portrays more of the elaboration colour...something a bit golden and very light brown.

I just dunno how to decide...I am looking forward for spending less but, I just can't help choosing the prettiest...I need help from experts.I think I should call all of my married friends. Yosh!!!

I am Misleading Myself

I have been joining this game 'Travian' which progress slowly, but continuously. I need to be extra patient to play this game. It is not just about playing it, but it's about setting strategies and building alliances. I have started to attack my neighbours for crops and I have only less than 2 days for Beginner's Protection. It scared the hell out of me. So I am now building more troops than ever! Getting prepared for unknown enemies. Woo...it's slow but it is damn fun to play.

Basically, Travian is a game where you can choose which tribe you want. Each tribe has its own specialty. You can choose either Roman, Teutons or Gauls. I don't know of these tribe's origin (historically) except Roman. This is not a problem though. Beginners will be given immunity for about a week I think, to build up enough forces, resources and defences. This is the part where you have to patient because you need resources to build anything and these resources came from your farm you build yourself.

So now...I can't blame this game can I? I should blame myself for finding such a fantastic game and ended up misleading me away from progressing my thesis. I have to catch up though. I think while waiting for the resources become enough for my buildings, I could read up few pages of books and write up few paragraph of my proposal eh?

The mood!!! The mood!!! Oh please come to me!!!

Things I Shared With Lovee

I had a long drive with Saleh today, just to ease our mind seeing people's place. From KL to Muar all in one day. We discussed over many things. Especially about my past, definitely about my good friends and about how living life now seems so much easier.

My past is a good one. Not that I hope it will befell on anybody I know because it is so harsh...it might not be harsh to few people as they faced something harder with more pain than I have. Divorce, break-ups, falling apart, heart break over life itself and many other things. But hey, I know it's worth it. To compare it with colours...I am glad i've seen the darker side of life. I taught me to love.
My good friends are of course Zaza, she is there to accept me of who I am despite my past...*and to also teach me of naughty stuffs. Then come Azharul, it has been a year that I have not heard his voice. But he was there to calm me down when I just went berserk over my decision to end my life 3 years back. He gotten busy with his girl, nothing to envy only that I miss him so much that I hope that his girl is not holding him tight. He knew me since I was 15 and we kept on remembering each other.
Now comes Shairul, the only one person that I have the guts to tell my secret. He's been there to listen and to acknowledge my need to be heard. When I first met him in 2003 I never thought that he could be a very good friend. Putting him the third doesn't meant that he is the 3rd person I acknowledge...It's just that I want to talk more of him. Whenever I discussed of my friends, Saleh would thankful to them, although I cannot say Zubir's name that much. His ears will go red and starts to increase the car speed. Scary woo

Everybody now is getting engaged (me and Shairul) and married (Azharul). How I have seen my life as a treasure now...if God has really decides on taking me back...I wouldn't see my life as it is now.

A Journey Starts with the First Step

Uhuh! I am taking a new step towards an endless journey of writing. I like writing and I am starting to love it. I guess anyone would when you can actually write anything you like. I think if there is any rule in blogging, people would stop immediately...blogging world would go down the drain...that will be sucks. (you can even use dirty words...*giggle*...m just not used to it)

I know through this blog I will paint it with all the colours I found in life through words. I like imaginary words (thanks to the lessons my lecturers in B. Ed. TESL taught me). Then to also practice writing books. I just hope that I would carry on being heightened up with putting ideas on my wall so that the writing skills won't go rusty.

I used to write in the Friendster Blog where I share many ideas with friends and family. I am still writing in there so that I could still share with others. They have this automated links to other friends just like Facebooks have. Feel free to visit my other blog in "Dearest Rainbow". Get to know me more on my Friendster or my Facebook

The book that I talk about, it is more on academician book. I think I would try to talk of leadership first since it is my thesis title. But that part of story will have to go to my other blog in "I read to write". I think I would collaborate with my mum in writing the books. We have started in writing a chapter of soon-to-be international book. "Framing the Future" is a book from many academician in Malaysia and from other countries to elaborate on the topic of a given talk in a scholar seminar. I have just started, following others steps.

My last post in "I read to write" is in 2007, can you believe that! I have an explanation to it (i feel i'm doing injustice here). First is that I forgotten all about it (I feel bad). Then it was supposed to be the informal report of the project paper during my degree, now that I am taking my master and starting to write my thesis (started my proposal...seriously), I feel I should start writing again for all of my journey in writing thesis in master level. It is still not too late.

Better late than never people!